The End of the Beginning
by Red Princess
Summary: A take on Akito's life from her birth to present time in the manga. Akito's POV. Her dreams, hopes, wishes...her mistakes. A rather dark ending, not completely faithful to the manga. ONESHOT


A/N: This is something I wrote 2 years ago for and English assignment. It was posted on this site before, but I took it down 'cuz I wanted to revise it a little...but I didn't actually end up doing that. xD

It's a little twisted take on Akito's life, all from her POV (from her birth up to present time in the manga). It's not entirely faithful to the manga - I changed some things around a little. Enjoy!

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The End of the Beginning

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Imagine living in a world of jealousy, deceit, and false hopes, dreams, and desires.

Could you stand being misunderstood by everyone around you and crying yourself to sleep every night? Could you even imagine the agony of being shunned by your parents and not having anyone to share your worries with? You desperately try to be loved and accepted, but don't succeed. Long days of loneliness pass you by, not giving you the chance to free yourself from oppressing walls of containment surrounding your soul. You live like a recluse, waiting for a ray of light to shine on your life. One after one, the people closest to you leave your side forever. Soon, you will be alone in a dark abyss, left to dwell in a sea of memories from the brighter days of your past.

You may think that no one could possibly endure all these torments. Well, think again. I've had to. This is the story of my life.

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Listen to the birds sing! Oh, what a joyful sound. Radiant sunlight from the heavens. Promises, hope, profound love. Here is where my story begins.

I come from a wealthy extended family. We all live in a series of houses and mansions in an estate. Our homes are surrounded by green gardens, abundant with fragrant flowers and many types of birds. It was in one of these many gardens where my parents first met. Mother was a maid in the household; Father was the head of the family. His status was similar to a king's. Because of this, many people wondered why Father had chosen a maid to be his wife. They brought him more "worthy" women, but Father had already made up his mind. What's done is done, and much to everyone's disapproval, he and Mother got married.

A few years later, Mother gave birth to me, the first female heir that would one day take over Father's position as the head of the family. The day of my birth, every member of the family crowded around Father, who held me proudly in his arms. Mother stood off to one side, barely acknowledging my existence. Father noticed the change Mother went through when I was born. She instantly became sullen, withdrawn, and she always shot envious looks towards me. After watching me getting showered with love and attention day after day, her temper finally snapped.

Through Mother's eyes, I was Father's new "favorite". She believed that everyone was treating me as a "god". On the verge of insanity, she demanded that I be raised as a boy, as she felt it was wrong for a girl to be the head of the family. Father, who didn't want to lose her, agreed. So from that day on my hair was cut short and I was dressed like a boy. (This is only one of many of our family's secrets, but it is the most well kept one. Only the oldest members of the family know my true identity; they do their best to keep it from others.)

Over time, I learned not to think about it too much. I grew accustomed to being referred to as a boy. And despite Mother's disapproval, Father still spent time with me. We talked, laughed, and played in the gardens on bright, sunny, days. When I was around Father, I felt free, as light as a feather.

I began to feel as if Father loved **me **the most. I believed he desired a certain existence for me, although at that time I wasn't quite sure of what it was. Then one day, Father took me aside and explained to me the reason of my birth. Before, my idea of my place in the world was vague, and his words brought a new meaning to my life, making everything seem crystal clear and full of splendor.

"_Everyone was waiting for you. You are a special child, born to be loved. In your future, there is no sadness or fear. Your family is under a curse that will bind them to you forever. You are the head of the family, the person whom everyone else depends on, whom they will love, follow, and never abandon."_

And those were his words. I remember thinking then that they were a promise to me – a promise that I believed would be fulfilled.

Soon after that day, Father passed away. He was young, but it is said that the heads of the family are cursed with a short life. Instead of Mother, **I** was at his side when he died. Right before his parting, Father reassured me that I would not be alone in my life. He said that he would be with me forever, for we shared a special bond that Mother could not understand. His words filled me with hope, and the courage to deal with whatever God had in store for me. When the last breath left his body, I felt a waft of air blow through the room, taking away his solid presence and filling the room with an aura of calmness and peace. I wasn't afraid because, deep in my heart, I knew I would see Father again.

Mother was soon informed of Father's death and she immediately blamed his death on me. I'm not sure what she thought I could've done to kill him, but it made no difference to me. Even her words, directed at me with all the scorn and contempt she could muster, seemed hollow. I felt that Father was protecting me.

Before it could get any worse, one of the maids took me away from Mother and brought me into another room. There, she handed an intricately decorated silk box. I stared at it, confused and wondering why she was giving it to me now. She explained to me that Father had wanted me to have it. By giving it to me, he was passing on the responsibility of being head of the family to me, the first girl to be given such an honorable position. The maid said that there was something very special contained within the walls of the box. Something powerful and completely overwhelming…

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Listen to the reverberating sound of her disdainful laughter! Oh, how terrifying. Profound hate. Deafening silence. The death of hope. Here is where my story nears its end.

A few years after I had received the box, my curiosity got the best of me, and I opened it. I was expecting some magical thing or maybe money, but instead, there was nothing. Nothing at all. From there, I thought that maybe some unseen force, Father's soul, was resting in the box. But year after year, and after all the torments and stress I went through, that thought faded. Soon, even Father's comforting words were erased from my mind. I began to feel contempt towards him, wondering how he could leave me behind in this dismal place. Where was he now? Was he still watching over me?

As for the "bond" that I shared with the rest of my family, I tried my best to keep it real. When I was about 14 years old, Mother and I made a bet. She asked me if I was to live my life believing all the false truths Father had told me. Her hatred for me painfully obvious, she exclaimed, _"Prove to me that this bond you share with everyone truly exists. If everyone shows true love towards you over the years, and if they never leave your side, I will admit you were right and leave this place. But if they leave you, __**you**__ will prostrate yourself before me and apologize. Then you will leave this estate and never come back."_

And so, I lived in fear of losing this bet. I wanted to prove myself to Mother, but I would rather die than admit she was right. My fear got so bad that, soon, I began **wishing** there to be a curse on my family. How selfish of me to wish unhappiness upon my own family! But I couldn't help it.

As I got older and older, a distorted view of my role in the world formed in my mind. I felt like a god, so powerful and great that I could control other people and make them to anything for me. I still held on to the belief that the "curse" would bind everyone to me for eternity, but I went to unnecessary lengths to make sure it would not be broken. I made everyone stay in the estate, hardly allowing them to leave. I cut them off from the outside world completely, too afraid that once they went out, they would never come back. I'm sure they hated me for it, but what can I say?

_Maybe this is when my world started to break._

On and on, Mother taunted me, mocked me, saying that my "eternal promise" wasn't real. Every one of my confrontations with her left me in tears. I began to become more and more self-absorbed, too worried about my own problems to care about what happened around me. What I didn't realize then was that the more I acted to keep the curse existent, the more everyone else wanted to tear away from my overly strict rules and harsh punishments.

After years of worrying, my worse fears became reality. The curse, seemingly unbreakable, was lifted all of sudden. One by one, each person left the estate. I did all I could to make them stay. I begged, pleaded, and apologized. But they left and never came back. For the first time in my life, I realized that I could not always get my way. I finally understood that Mother was right from the beginning, and I cursed myself for being so naive as to believe all the things Father had told me. All I had wanted was to be loved and accepted, and I know to the others it might not have seemed that way. Only now do I realize that I went about trying to get attention the wrong way.

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Now I sit here, in my room right next to the gardens where I used to play with Father. Admitting to Mother she was right is too embarrassing. So instead, I'll sit here, waiting for someone to shed a ray of light on my dismal life. It was once full of radiance, promises, and hope for the future. But now, it's nothing—just an empty black void where

I can dwell in my memories and wish that I can turn back time to erase my mistakes.

_How could this have happened to me?_

Me, the special child, the one whom no one would ever abandon, now sitting alone in my broken world – what would Father think about this? Maybe I was never meant to be loved, just like all the things Father told me were never meant to be fulfilled.

Now that I think of it, it's a good thing that the heads of the family are cursed with a short life. How soon will it be before I join you up there, Father? Will it be sooner than what you wished for me? I've waited for you long enough down here.

I can see you from here, Father. You're that one star in the endless night sky.

Burn my world to ashes. Let them scatter in the wind and blow away, just like my dreams, hopes, and desires did. Soon, I'll feel as free and light as a bird feels, after it escapes from the prison walls of its cage and is able to spread its wings for the first time in a long time. I'll be able to fly away from this mess of my life.

Good-bye, Mother. Good-bye to the friends I never had. Good-bye to the family I never had.

_See you on the other side._


End file.
